Lol well, I honestly wasn't expecing to land back in here... its funny typing again in this little space... on the same keyboard... different city.. much different state of being
why do i blog, why did I decide to start this up
you're gonna laugh...
Im fuckin horny.
Im so horny I can't think about anything besides being horny..
and how I should fix that...
which usually ends up making me hornier...
ugh
im so lonely out here in sf
I can't stand it
i mean
i can ..
Im a loner type. but this has realy gotten to me... I should be in a prime of my life... but all i wanna do is lay with somebody..
to have sex.
share secrets. push boundries, learn new things.
to be with someone whom i can reconnect with my body with... I feel quite a bit of shame concering my sexuality.
I can't accept that im some bttm... makes me feel worthless.
a bottom who wants to suck dick, swallow my partners cum, get fucked hard..
who also wants to do everything for you. cook, clean, dress, dance with, business... fuckin whatever they require..
im not perfect... but im attactive!!
no one has claimed me... atleast.. not for real.
im so lonely..
so lonely that I don't wanna make friends in the gay community... cause all i feel like doing is fucking... Idon't wanna give myself to some of these leturous folks... I wanna spend the night cuddling in your arms when you're getting ready to fuck the hell out of me...
I feel very weak..
though I feel like a stronger man..
like I can accept and deal with more shit.
not that that is a great thing... but I feel capable..
/tired of bitching about being alone.
so yes
im horny...
can hardly thing... but I feel like im gaining a little clarity as I type in here.
lol the thigns that I wanna say... it's like an open canvas... i mean no one is gonna read this right? I have all my journals on private....
I just wanna meet an alien... I wanna learn from someone who's bigger than me..
i just wanna be around folks that are 6'3+ 230lbs+
ugh... i basically want someone who's atleast 3 inches taller than me, and outweights me by 45 lbs.
I should have been a woman...
really.
i mean... how fucked up!!!!
I clearly just wanna be with a man and be a housewife ish person...
raise a family..
take care of my husband..
fuckin hell what am i saying...
so much angst..
fuck this place
